Aphorisms, Quips, and Non-sequiturs From Roger Hicks

 I have contemplated for quite some time to post a list of some of my favorite aphorisms, quips, and pithy statements as aphorism is sometimes defined.  You will be likely to like a few of these, hate others, and possibly even accuse me of being unfairly prejudiced against one or several groups of people, but very unlikely to accuse me of being prejudiced against any race or ethnicity.  Here we go!

1. No Republican in the country is fit to hold any position of public trust unless they first and foremost call for the indictment, prosecution, and conviction of the TRAITOR Donald Trump for all of his many crimes up to and including TREASON!  Now that about half of you are awake and unjustifiably angry let's go on.
2. The most frequently used word in the English language is "Lady"!  As my dear old Daddy used to say, "Not everyone who squats to pee is a lady!  For hundreds of years, the primary definition of "Lady" was "a woman who is polite and well educated, has excellent manners, and always behaves well".  That should still be the primary definition of the word.  
3. The second most frequently misused word in the English language is "fiancee".  For hundreds of  years, the primary definition of the word "fiancee" was "the woman that somebody is engaged to".  That should still be the primary definition.  Nowadays, the word "fiancee" is generally used to mean "the person with whom I cohabit" or "the person with whom I am publicly known be having sex regularly."  The prevalent current usages of the word are generally a very weak defense against anyone whose morals are offended by sex outside of marriage, cohabitation, or any form of casual sex.  If you want to test my theory about the current use of the word "fiancee" and see two people grimace openly, the next time anyone introduces their current sex partner to you as their "fiancee", smile broadly, say "Congratulations, when is the wedding?"  
4. The third most frequently, misused word in the English language is "gentleman".  For hundreds of years, the primary definition of the word "gentleman" was "a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man".  That should still be the primary definition and usage. You will actually see and hear witnesses or victims of crimes such as robbery or assault say into a television camera or radio microphone "the gentleman stuck a gun in my face" or "the gentleman was beating his wife when I began recording".  You can rest assured such people are not gentlemen.  You can also rest assured that I can not now be accused of being unfair to either women or men as a group since I have now written about the misuse of both words of reference to the genders. 
   
5. No one should be able to gain and hold a job in any white collar setting who cannot write in cursive, do math in their head without any form of electronic device or pencil and paper, or who cannot tell the difference between all the words on a list of the most frequently misused homonyms.  Just this week, I saw on a news graphic on a CBS station in my area, "they're" being used as "their" on the 6pm evening news in a city of 300,000 people.  In a metropolitan area with something in the neighborhood of a quarter to a half million people, a major network television affiliate should be able to hire someone with a college education who can write, spell, and add.  I have said for many years now that if  I were still hiring people I would have the secretary in my office give each applicant who came in for an interview a yellow legal pad and a ball point pen with these instructions: "Please leave all your electronic devices on the corner of my desk, take a seat at the desk on the other side of the room and write in cursive a complete paragraph, composed of complete sentences with correct spelling, grammar, syntax, and sentence structure to explain why you are the best candidate for this job.  The interviewer will be with you in about fifteen minutes."  
6. No well constructed sentence begins or ends with the word "So".  Today, it is far too common to hear people begin every sentence with "So..." as if they believe it is necessary for them to explain what they are saying in advance.  And no well constructed sentence ever ends with "So..." which is the word "So" followed by an ellipsis as if the person either believed they really had more to say or that they finally realized they had nothing more they could think of to add.  
7. If you cannot carry on a conversation without using "Like" in the middle of every description without every saying which two things you believe are alike you have no business using the word ever.  "Like" is intended to be an indicator of a comparison between two similar things and is never an appropriate filler word.  When you use it in that manner, what you are actually saying is "I don't know what else to say."
8. The frequent use of the phrase "You know" in the middle of sentences is just as bad, if not worse, than the aforementioned use of the words "Like" and "So".  I can assure if I actually knew what you are trying to tell me I would not need you to tell me, "you know".  
   
9. Never trust a church or a funeral home which uses a neon sign to attract business.
10. Never trust a church with the words "community", "independent", or "non-denominational" in their name.  The use of such words to deliver the message that the church stands alone also deliver the message to me that the founders of that church did not choose to bound by any denominational oversight or constraints.  It also tells me that the leadership mistakenly consider themselves to be somewhat flawless in their doctrine and judgment since they will not allow the leadership of other churches and/or denominations the right to inspect, oversee, or criticize them.
    
11. A Drug Is A Drug Is A Drug!  No drug of abuse should ever be legalized and marijuana is a drug of abuse and a classic gateway drug just as is alcohol.  
12. Never listen to a preacher who tells you how to vote or a politician who tells you how to pray!
13. Puerto Rico should be a US state.  Washington, D. C., should not be a US state.  If you don't understand that, study the history of how all native Puero Ricans, born as US citizens, are deprived of many of the rights and governmental services afforded to all other US citizens and also read the history of how and why the District of Columbia was created. 
14. Every American citizen should be afforded a free public education either for a four year college degree or a two  year vocational degree whichever is most appropriate to the individual. 
15. All students in every public school in America should be denied access to all electronic devices until they prove they can read, write, and do basic math at the first grade level.  
16. Every American citizen should be eligible to receive all necessary medical care under a nationwide government run health care system such as those used in the most civilized countries in the world.  This system, along with all government expenses should be paid by a graduated income tax with the richest individuals and corporations paying taxes proportionate to the income they receive. 
17. No doctor or other prescriptive level medical professional and no member of their immediate family should ever be allowed to own any interest in a pharmacy. 
    
18. Physical Education should be a requirement for one hour each day in every grade in every public school in America all the way from K to 12.  You would be amazed at how much lower the negative disciplinary and behavioral problems would be and how much obesity would drop.   
    
19. Civics should be taught in every American school at the 4th and 9th grade levels.
20.   Always Vote Democratic!  If you don't understand that one, go back and closely read a good college freshman level American history book.
    

   Now that I have pissed a few of you off, think about all I have said here and you probably won't be nearly as pissed off in the long run.  Come back in a few days because I will probably add a few more to this list.