I took a drive to Frankfort town.
I had to see what was going down.
I took the exit off the interstate,
Drove right up to the Capitol gate,
Circled on around the square,
Had to see what was there.
I saw a car in front of a body shop,
Twelve colors of paint from bottom to top,
Red, brown, yellow, and a sickly green,
Strangest car I'd ever seen,
A big elephant sitting on the hood,
A body man working to make it look good.
He had a big R painted in my view.
I wondered what he intended to do.
I circled back to park at the shop
That car was just too funny, I had to stop.
I said, "Hey, feller, that looks like work,
That old car's got a lot of quirks,
The tires are worn, two are flat,
What can you do with a car like that?"
He grinned and said, "I reckon you're right.
But I got offered money just last night.
All I have to do is paint it several colors
And I'll make ten thousand dollars."
I asked about the rust and all them dents,
That car wasn't worth more than ten cents.
The body man said, "I'll just cover that up,
Get the motor running like a turpentined pup.
This car's got a job all through twenty three,
All over the state this car will be.
It'll run from the Big Muddy to the Tug.
Selling a scam like bad likker in a pretty jug."
I asked, "What do you mean? What are you saying?"
"This car is their hope Republicans are praying,
It's their campaign car is what they're saying.
They've already got a dozen takers,
Idiots, criminals, scammers, fakers,
They'll climb in and ignore the weather.
They're planning to ride a dozen together.
There's a half dozen men waiting to ride,
And one or two women are climbing inside.
They want to turn this state around.
They want to drive it into the ground.
They've already put sales tax on everything.
Cut taxes on the rich and got them to sing.
Put all them bills on all the poor
And they've got plans to do a lot more.
They say they'll kill all the good jobs,
Quit feeding people corn and give them cobs,
Hide all their good tricks under the law
And make this the worst state you ever saw.
There's Mike Harmon the Auditor of Public Accounts
Who knows to what he might amount.
There's even a man named David Cooper
He wants you to believe he's a super dooper.
He can't say what he might do
But he's really trying to fool me and you.
Eric Deters used to practice law
Until he was arrested over what witnesses saw
When he chased his nephew around the town,
The boy says he's lucky he never was found.
Alan Keck is mayor in pretty small town
But says he's the answer to keeping Kentuckians down
He wants the front seat in this clown car
Says prior mistakes are never a bar
To being the governor of this great state
He'll fix it all and won't be late.
Ryan Quarles wants to drive the car
All over the state both near and far.
He says he's a farmer with a big education
Says Harvard won't ever hurt his reputation.
Robbie Smith is a teacher without much of a plan
But he swears he's a qualified man,
Says he just wants a term of one year
Then run again to allay all our fear,
Wants to change a whole lot of things
But seems to have lost the list that he brings."
The body man said "these candidates keep talking
But in this car they might be walking.
If I get it painted and I get it sold
The tale it will tell will always be told
About how Kentucky was bought and sold.
There's even a couple of women who want to drive
And swear all the state will arrive alive.
There's Savanna Maddox from Scott County
Who says she can win without paying a bounty
For votes from people who are willing to sell
In order to see Kentucky become living hell.
Ooops! Maddox admitted she was wrong.
Kentucky can't be bought for a song.
Her short campaign didn't go well.
She couldn't turn Kentucky into living hell.
But the question now is did she sell
Out to someone with money who could spell?
She announced her campaign on June 6
On December 20 she admitted she didn't know enough tricks.
Six & a half months was way too long
For such a campaign which was always wrong.
Daniel Cameron who fights daily against good
Swears he is the candidate Kentucky should
Put to driving the state into the ground
As if enough evidence hasn't been found
To send him home after four years
Of driving all sane Kentuckians to tears
With losing law suits against every good work
He says anything positive he'll always shirk.
But the strangest candidate of all
The one who would answer any outrageous call
Is the one whose record proves most daft
The former ambassador Kelly Knight Craft
Who worked for two years daily to do naught
For the man Putin and Russia bought
Because her husband spent coal money
To get a do nothing job for his honey.
The body man laughed and said "that's all
If nobody else tries to answer the call
To be governor of Kentucky after next fall.
But they say Bevin, you remember old Matt,
Is tired of staying at home getting fat
On money from pardons for all takers,
Rapists, murderers, thieves and fakers.
Matt might jump in the race
And give all the others a bitter taste
When he reminds the voters what you get when you do
What the Republicans want you to.
But this clown car will be full in old 23
With the worst crowd of clowns
The state could ever see."
But then he smiled and said over his grin,
"It won't matter to me who wins.
I'm leaving the state when I finish this car.
I'm going away just about as far
As it is possible for me to travel
Before this clown car blows up and scatters gravel
In the face of every voter dumb enough to do
What the Republicans want them to do."
I shook my head and dried a tear,
And left old Frankfort with a lot of fear
Of what could happen in the next election
If the common sense of voters takes a defection
And leaves us all out of our senses
Following this clown car without defenses,
Listening to liars, fakers, and shills
Trying to ruin Kentucky with horrible deals.
So vote with caution in the upcoming year
Remember the man who calms all your fear
Stick with the man whose been proven just dandy
Vote Straight Democratic! Vote For Andy!
Roger D. Hicks, December 18, 2022.
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