Do Deaths Come In Threes? Appalachian Folkways?

All my life in Appalachia, I have heard people, especially older people discuss the folk belief or old wive's tale that deaths always come in threes.  This past week or so I have had some reason to wonder about it again.  My wife, who spent the first 23 years or her life in East Central Wisconsin about half way between Milwaukee and Green Bay but has lived for the last 28 years in Appalachia, also recently brought it up to me because we had both been thinking about it in relation to the recent deaths of three people to whom we had some minor connections.  But none of these people knew each other so far as we know although it is possible they could have.  The first of these deaths was the death in Wayland, Kentucky, of the 38 year old son of a female friend of mine whom I have known since about 1968. He died on March 9, 2021, which was coincidentally the 51st anniversary of the death of my own mother.  I admit that I have never met her son because she and I fell out of touch many years ago and just reunited on Facebook a year or two ago.  The second death was the death of a 57 year old woman in Prestonsburg, Kentucky, who is the sister-in-law of a female cousin of mine with whom I grew up and with whom I am still close. She died on March 8, 2021, one day before the son of my long time friend.  This woman was married to the younger brother of my cousin's husband and although I had never met her and her husband, we regularly travel to our cousin's house which is literally on the old property of the parents of my cousin's husband's extended family and three of those siblings have built homes there.  I have heard her name many times along with her husband's but I repeat I did not know her.  The third death was much closer to us since it was the death, at age 68, two days ago of one of the two sisters from whom we bought our house and we have known her 28 years or so since early December of 1992. She died on March 11, 2021, within four days of the first death and three days of the second in this group of three. She and I had spoken on the telephone for about fifteen minutes about two months ago when her husband had been hospitalized for a major heart attack.  She and her sister, along with their husbands, have been our closest neighbors since December of 1992.  But over the last few years, out face to face contacts have decreased somewhat and we generally interact now more often at times of crisis, in either major or minor ways, such as this event.

 

Although I cannot say I really knew two of these people, I know their families quite well and communicated with all of them in response to the deaths of their loved ones.  My long time friend in Wayland and I communicate regularly on Facebook and share a large list of common friends, some of whom I advised of the death of her son.  She and I communicated by message within hours of his death.  I did not attend the son's visitation or funeral because of Covid 19 dangers.  When the sister-in-law of my cousin died and I learned of it because of searching online obituaries for the obituary of my friend's son, I called my female cousin's brother, to whom I am closer, and asked him if it was true that his sister's sister-in-law had died.  He immediately called other family members, verified the story, and called me back.  When I learned of my neighbor's death through another elderly neighbor on whose property she will be buried beside members of both their families, I called her sister and son and offered my condolences and discussed plans for the funeral.  I will not attend that visitation or funeral either but will probably time it so I can be present, a mile from my house, for the graveside service, once gain due to Covid 19 concerns.  

 

Admittedly, this is not three of my closest friends or family members, but my wife and I have some connection to all three deaths.  So,  the question naturally arose in our minds, "do deaths come in threes" as the common folk belief in Appalachia suggests.  This blog post suggests that deaths in threes is simply due to the fact that celebrities often seem to die in groups and the author apparently had never heard the idea in a manner which indicated that it is and has nearly always been expressed in folk beliefs in many areas of the world.  This second internet post suggests that For most people it is because they have heard the superstition, or been taught it. Much like any superstition, they get handed down generation upon generation with little or no thought.  This second internet post comes closer to the likely truth by referring to the idea of deaths coming in threes as being "a superstition" but does not make the connection to folk ways, folk beliefs, or old wive's tales.  This next link comes a bit closer to what I believe to be the truth when it says This is a cultural question rather than a historical one...In essence your question is related to a widespread European belief that all sorts of things happen in threes - which does not apply when dealing with cultures that see things that happen in fours or with other possibilities. But this writer has raised the possibility that other cultures believe that things might happen in fours.  For me, it seems more likely that some other cultures, far from Appalachia, might believe that deaths, or other bad circumstances, happen in fives which happens to be the number of fingers on a hand or toes on a foot. Folk ways and folk beliefs are often tied to some natural occurrence such at that.  But, no matter the number a culture believes, it is my opinion that the belief is culturally based and rooted in cultural history not celebrity status as my first quoted blog post would suggest.  I suspect that writer was simply not well educated about any culture and more focused on mass media as their personal influence source.  When we do an internet search using the phrase "Appalachian belief deaths come in threes" we find this more accurate link from Dave Tabler, a more credible source, at least in Appalachia, who simply states Death comes in threes in a congregation.  From a purely Appalachian point of view, I would say this is the most accurate discussion of the belief about deaths coming in threes at the blog "Blind Pig And The Acorn".  Death comes in 3s (This one is still alive and well in southern Appalachia and I believe it myself.)  Personally, I am not as certain about it as the author of the Blind Pig And The Acorn blog, but I do not firmly rule out that possibility.  I will examine the burials in three cemeteries on Find A Grave in the next few days for evidence of this belief and pass on what I learn as an addendum to this blog post.  But my whole point in writing this blog post was to ask you, my readers, what do you believe about deaths coming in threes?  

"Decoration Day In The Mountains: Traditions Of Cemetery Decoration In The Southern Appalachians" by Alan Jabbour & Karen Singer Jabbour--Reflections On A Wonderful Book

Over the last few months, I have written on this blog about several wonderful books which I have deliberately strayed into or sought out on purpose.  I was so pleased with this one when I bought it and it arrived that I mentioned it in an earlier blog post based solely on having scanned the wonderful photograps it contains which were shot by Karen Singer Jabbour as her primary, but not her only, contribution to this book with her husband Alan Jabbour. 

Alan Jabbour worked in several high level capacities for the federal government including as head of the Archive of Folk Song at the Library of Congress, director of the Folk Arts Program at the National Endowment for the Arts, and director of the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress. The Jabbours completed the research for this book over several years primarily in the area of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park but also did extensive research in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, and Virginia.  It is fascinating to me that Alan Jabbour was the son of immigrants and produced such an incredible book about folk culture and folk life in Central and Southern Appalachia.  The book was published by the University of North Carolina Press in 2010 but I had not known of it until recently.  It is the best book about burials and burial practices in Central and Southern Appalachia since James K. Crissman's "Death and Dying In Central Appalachia" came out in 1994.  

The Jabbour's focused their first research on several cemeteries which are located in the North Shore area of Fontana Lake which lies within the boundaries of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  These cemeteries are unaccessible by land except for what could be miles of hiking in the mountains or by crossing the lake on a boat from landings on the south shore.  The National Parks Service decided at some point after the lake was built to accommodate people who wished to attend what had always been annual "Decoration Day" at these cemeteries by providing a pontoon boat operated by Parks Service staff which would transport the people, their cemetery decorations, and food for dinner on the grounds.  The Jabbour's attended the first Decoration Day on the day when a new park superintendent chose to attend the ceremony also which had never been done by his predecessors.  The boat actually had to make three trips in each direction across the lake due to the number of people.  The Jabbour's crossed on the first boat load and returned on the last boat load in able to document the arrivals and departures of the community members attending the ceremony which consisted of the annual cleanup of the cemeteries, placement of flowers and other decorations on the graves, a church service, and dinner on the grounds.  The photographs by Karen Singer Jabbour and the text by Alan Jabbour are thorough, highly informative, and enlightening about Decoration Day in Western North Carolina.  

It should be noted that Decoration Day is not necessarily on the same day as Memorial Day and is often set on other days in all the states of the Central and Southern Appalachian region.  In small localities, it is also often arranged so that Decoration Day does not conflict with the event on other local cemeteries since many people have relatives buried on several nearby cemeteries.  As a result of their work at these first two cemeteries, the Jabbours were able to meet and come to know many of the attendees and were invited to Decoration Day on numerous cemeteries within a large geographic area.  They shot photographs, recorded interviews, and made extensive notes as they traveled from cemetery and community to others in this large area.  

They did an excellent job of photographing and discussing different practices in the use of tombstones, grave markers, grave decorations, types of church services, and varying local customs in many areas of dealing with death and burial.  I cannot say enough good things about their work and their book.  They discuss and provide excellent photographs of a practice I had never seen before called "raking and mounding" of graves in which the grave has no grass growing on it but is, instead, raked clean and the dirt is mounded on top just as it would be immediately after a burial until the freshly dug earth settles.  But in that area of North Carolina, this practice is done long term as a way of maintaining graves cleanly and with dignity.  They also discuss and provide photographs of another practice which is not common in all areas of Central and Southern Appalachia which is covering graves with white sand or gravels instead of grass.  They provide only one photograph of a grave house which is a shame but they are not common in the Western North Carolina area.  But they provide several photographs of handmade field stone grave markers, some of which are very large and complex.  The provide several excellent photographs of shelters, pulpits, and seating equipment on cemeteries used both for the church services and dinner on the grounds.  These seating and roofed areas are more common all across Appalachia.  The book has 32 color photographs from probably a dozen or more cemeteries in a central section of the book on high quality stiff, slick paper.  But every chapter has at least a few black and white photographs, some with more than a dozen, of graves, shelters, entire cemeteries, church services, and other items and events.  This is the best book I have ever read about cemeteries in Central and Southern Appalachia.  It is beautiful blend of high quality photography, professional folk lore documentation, and very professional writing.  Nearly every discussion of a practice, item, or event has an insertion directing the reader to the appropriate photographs which document the practice, item, or event.  This book is well worth the price of admission if you have any interest in cemeteries either in Central and Southern Appalachia or elsewhere.  

I grew up near three cemeteries in Knott County Kentucky and attended many burials, Decoration Days, grave diggings, and cemetery clean ups in both Kentucky and West Virginia.  I also, for one year, supervised juvenile offenders in mowing and maintaining a historic cemetery in Franklin, Pennsylvania.  I have documented, photographed, and created memorials on the website Find A Grave for many cemeteries in Kentucky and other areas.  This book is a masterpiece especially if you have prior knowledge or interest in Appalachian cemeteries.  It is also a great book to own and read if you simply want to learn more about these practices from the viewpoint of a novice.  You will enjoy this book tremendously if you know or want to know anything about Appalachia and Appalachian people.