In a stunning announcement today which was provided to all major American news outlets by their representatives, the Dominecker Rooster John L. Lewis Jones and Attorney Ovum Brown of Quiche, West Virgina, the laying hens of America announced their intentions to stage a strike and walkout unless their multiple demands are met. They say that on Memorial Day, May 26, 2025, all the hens of America will cross the road(s) in every zip code across the country which has not already made the presence of chickens pullus non grata. Messers Jones and Brown, in their joint press conference, stated that the laying hens of America have finally reached the end of their road as captive, poorly paid workers and will cease all egg production for the foreseeable future. John L. Lewis Jones perched on the podium to deliver his portion of the demands and called on all other roosters, capons, and chickens who are gender neutral to join in the effort. They say that all egg production, insect extermination, and early morning services as alarm clocks will cease as of sunrise on Memorial Day. The hens provided a written statement which was read to the attending members of the media by their attorney Ovum Brown. Mr. Brown stated that the hens are sick and tired of being seen simply as egg production devices while being held in captivity in cages, seeing their eggs and potential offspring roll away down automated systems to be sold at what are now truly exorbitant prices due to the fact that TRAITOR Trump will do nothing to lower egg prices while using thousands of raw egg yolks each year to maintain his orange facsimile of a tan and eating thousands of others to maintain his fictitious weight of whatever amount it is over the stated 210 pounds. The hens' statement, as read by Ovum Brown, also said that the hens are tired of being deprived of the opportunity to love whom they wish, and demand that each week the hen in each facility who lays the most eggs be given one day off, and they mean off the property, to spend that day with the rooster of their choice. The hens document also stated that each commercial laying hen is expected to lay more than 300 eggs per year or be sold off to slaughter houses to become filler material in hot pockets, TV dinners, and heat and eat entrees. The hens say this strike will continue until each and every hen is allowed to spend the last 6 months of her egg laying life of three years in a free range setting on a farm where an equal number of handsome, virile, melodious roosters live to serve the desires of the hens. At the end of that six months, the striking hens statement went on to say they must be set free in an adjoining farm along with the male companion of their choice to live, love, and produce happy young offspring who will become just as handsome and melodious as their fathers. The statement from the hens also addressed the strongly negative impact which TRAITOR Trump's tariffs have had on the price of eggs as well as everything else which is either a farm product or some feed or equipment which is necessary for farm management. The hens say their strike will continue until the tariffs are ended along with the importation of poor quality (and now higher priced) chicken feed which is contributing to the early deaths of so many hard working laying hens, the very hens who are such an integral part of the nation and the GDP. The statement ended with this sentence: "This is not a simple matter of the chicken or the egg; but the tariffs must end or all of America will be eating hoe cakes, oatmeal, or grits for breakfast for a very long time." The press conference by Messers Jones and Brown ended with a courteous cock-a-doodle-doo from the Dominecker who exited the room perched on the shoulder of his associate.
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